6 Lessons I’ve Learned From My Daddy Issues – xoNecole

6 Lessons I’ve Learned From My Daddy Issues

Comments (27)
  1. Mj93 says:

    I can relate to this article so much for most of my life I had no relationship with my dad I’d always made myself feel as though it didn’t matter I hated him so much it want until a couple of months before my 22nd birthday that after a conversation with someone in my life made me realize that I was hurting myself and that I needed to forgive him for all he did or didn’t do that life was too short I’d heard that a thousand times but coming from this particular person was the first time the message got through to me so I decided to send a text to my estranged dad and here a couple of months later I’m free of the hate and anger and we’re working in some sort of father/daughter relationship…I say all that to say j believe that we put too much pressure on parents to not be human forgiveness is the key to happiness we all make mistakes life goes on and sometimes you have to act in a selfless matter and not be selfish…totally love this new site!

  2. Al says:

    “My mother is the light in my soul personified.” You have beautifully captured the emotion that I’ve always felt there weren’t words to describe. Much love x

  3. Ashley says:

    Beautifully said, daddy issues are real it took me a long time to see that too but acknowledging them helps deal with them

  4. Tavi says:

    Very well written. It is going on three years since I’ve spoken with my dad. But whereas I spent the first couple of years completely done with him, I am now in a place where I am open to repairing our relationship. Daddy issues are real. But they don’t define you in terms of your worth or capacity to love or be loved. Lessons again I only recently learned

  5. Akinah says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this article.

  6. Lisa says:

    It’s crazy to me how my uncle (my father’s brother) would tell me how LUCKY I am to know who my father is because they didn’t have a daddy they never knew who he was and I would reply I don’t know who my father is either. There’s still pain there knowing that this man willing just stop being apart of your life because he got divorced and then plays daddy to his girlfriend’s children. Can’t lie it stings and made me wonder for yrs what’s wrong with me, how could the one man that’s suppose to love you abandon you. But has she stated in the article that’s what he has to live with. That situation taught me to love myself and to choose a man for my children that had had ALL the opposite qualities of my father i.e Have children with a man that WANTS to be father. Thank you Necole for a place to share my truth.

  7. Daddy issues ignited and flamed my trust issues, not just with men, but with people in general. Our girls, become damaged women, if these abandonment issues aren’t acknowledged, addressed, with actions taken to heal. My mother became both mother and father, and was overwhelmed at times. There was so much she did, while there was so much that she never could do in his place. She, like most women are resilient, and deserve more than praise. But she also was full of hurt, exhaustion, which manifest as bitterness and anger, which caused tension with growing girls who no longer needed her as CEO, but more of a consultant. So relatable for myself, and countless other girls/women. Wonderful read Alexis Johnson. Thank you Necole.

    1. BrandyB says:

      This article definitely hit home for me today. I have been struggling lately in my adulthood (29) with my daddy issues. My story comes complete with abandonment, grief, confusion and regret. Long story short, My paternal grandparents raised me ( my parents were young and inexperienced to care for me. My grandfather and I had remarkable relationship, one could even argue I was spoiled. He died when I was 12. Then my father got his stuff together and he came back in my life at age 14 and it was great. We did everything together he met my 1st boyfriend and gave me my sweet 16 party. He then died when I was 16 in a car accident. I experienced periods of depression, confusion, life choices etc. Now at 29 I got my life together, graduated from college, back in school to get my MBA, just purchased a condo, got a promotion, have a great relationship, and great friends. I seemingly have my life together… but daddy issues still haunt me. I wonder what life would have been like if he was still here? Who is going to walk me down the aisle? What can I talk to him about men and guys I like. I say all that to say 13 years ago this year I lost him, and I still to this day cry and wish that I could at least call him up for a lunch date.

      1. QMajesty says:


        Your story is so similar to mine in many ways! And I’m 29 too! Anyway, I think that instead of looking at it as you no longer have this person in your life, remember what you both shared. Remember the kind of man your father was, what he taught you, how he loved you, etc. I have found this to be comforting after the loss of my father. I realize he is gone, but the memories still remain. I also wouldn’t worry about things you can’t control. You would be surprised how things work out when you expect them to turn out a certain way. Therapy also helped me with the issues that I had before and after my father. I hope this helps, if ever so slightly.

  8. Terilisha says:

    Really great read!

  9. A Mom says:

    You hit the nail on the head. Kudos for speaking the truth and letting loose. This is currently my daughter’s life. I admit sometimes as a mom (a lot of times) I apologize for picking the wrong man for being her father. Not her daddy, but her bio father. Thank you daughters (and sons) for understanding and forgiving our parental mistakes.

  10. Tiffany says:

    I’m not sure if I have “daddy issues” my father was apart of my life throughout my childhood, although he and my mom were not together. However, I never really got along with my dad especially as I got older. I grew up an overweight child and he used to constantly pressure me to lose weight sometimes make fun of me,which hurt me . When I finally lost the weight on my own , I still found him to be annoying and he just had a personality that I couldn’t stand to be around. I guess he’s always wanted to be in my life but I pushed him away.

  11. Toni says:

    I never wanted to admit this to myself, but I’ve always knew deep inside this was an issue. I even allowed this struggle to invade my marriage. I’m working on this to heal myself and to also be the best wife and mother I can be.

    1. Alexis Johnson says:

      Awareness, acknowledgement and action are the keys. It’s a process, but I know you can do it!

  12. Jas says:

    Is there a day when the blog posts new posts instead of recycled posts?
    It seems like there are quite a lot of recycled posts as of late, and just wanted to know if there is a schedule when the new posts comes out

  13. AfricanDiaspora says:

    If I could snap my fingers in encouragement and you hear it right now, I would. I agree with what you have written. Its imperative to ones own health and happiness that they dont let issues (daddy or otherwise) define them. The mind and heart are powerful; we shouldnt undermine their ability to heal and move on.
    And on #2: Coukdnt agree more. The success of a relationship is determined by you and the other person in it; not someone from the past who isnt in the relationship. Everyone should own their actions and not let issues be an excuse for things not working out.

    1. Alexis Johnson says:

      Amen amen! Thanks for sharing.

  14. Erika says:

    Wow, Alexis, you are 100% on point. No one wants to acknowledge daddy issues — esp grown women — but this article was so encouraging to face them head on, not be the victim, keep things in perspective and learn from the issues. Thank you for your openness!

    1. Alexis Johnson says:

      Overcoming daddy issues is certainly a process, and not allowing yourself to grow is doing a disservice to yourself. It means a lot to me that you could find the silver lining. Thank you for the kind words!

  15. Ri says:

    I needed this article. Every point really hit home for me.

    1. Alexis Johnson says:

      That’s so good to hear. I hope this helps! You got this!

  16. QMajesty says:

    I remember having many of the same “Daddy issues” as so many of you ladies. My father was in and out of my life growing up. By the time I was 17 or so, he wanted to spend more time with me. I was so angry that he wasn’t there for me growing up, that I cut him completely off at 18. We reconnected again at 21 because I realized (during an out of country trip) that I was angry and it was weighing on my heart and relationships with others. I called him to let him know how angry and hurt I was, but that I was willing to give our relationship another shot. My father and I grew close over the next few years, up until age 24. He passed away just as we were building a relationship. I used to think about how unfair it was, but I’ve grown to appreciate the time that we did have together. I hope that the women and girls who hurt from their daddy issues work through it. It’s worth it, more so for yourself than anything.

    1. Alexis Johnson says:

      I am so sorry for your loss. Although he is no longer physically with you, it’s amazing that you were able to turn that negative energy into something positive. You are awesome and I pray for that strength.

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