The Rebirth of Courtship: 4 Things Men Should Know About It – xoNecole
Dating

The Rebirth of Courtship: 4 Things Men Should Know About It

Comments (65)
  1. Marcie says:

    Awesome article!I love everything about this Shonda and you’re absolutely right. I just had a male friend ask me why I’m single… and I told him it might be because I have morals. There is nothing wrong with courting.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Thanks so much, Marcie! And I’m glad to hear that you’re not willing to sacrifice your morals and values just for the sake of saying, “I have a man.” Good for you! I’ve been there so I understand. I’m rooting for you!

  2. Kina Miller says:

    I dont think its up to men to “know” this, that, and the other – I think its up to women to not ALLOW a “netflix and chill” kinda date. People only do to you, what you allow them to. 15 years, and 1 toddler later my husband and I still date. Aside from grad school, full times jobs, and full time parenting, we make time to do stuff just him and I – netflix and chill some nights, dinner, a movie, and laser tagging other nights.

    1. Labella Ray says:

      Well HELLO I blame women for the most part because they have allow all these things so that’s why men try it smh

    2. Shonda White says:

      Yes, Kina! Same here. Besides the kids because we don’t yet have any, my husband and I are the same way. So glad to hear that! Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    3. Shonda White says:

      Amen to that! Sounds like what I was saying about the fact that some of us have made it too easy for the men. 🙂

  3. Yes please. I’d like my little sister to be courted. Not “Netflix and chilled” to death

  4. Luckily my man was raised by a real man. I can’t even walk on the side closest to the street when walking down the sidewalk with him.Lol

    1. Same here. If we go somewhere and I try to open the door he is like “touch another door and we’re going to have a problem. I open the doors.” He said he gets that from watching how his father treats his mother.

    2. Brashaa Hoy says:

      I Have To Let My Sit Facing The Door So He Can See What’s Coming… Shoutout to Real Men

  5. Parents have to teach young adults how to court. The process actually starts when we’re younger. It’s how we see our parents interact. It’s how we learn to help and show affection to the boy we like in class. It’s how we talk, how we help, how we communicate.

    1. You’re right Chanel. Our greatest examples will be in our homes.

  6. It is us WOMEN, that set the tones for our relationships in the very beginning. Most women are so THIRSTY for a man that they settle for nothing in the beginning! Just to say “I have a man.” Then 2-3 years down the line, they are envious of their friends relationships and miserable in their own! Then they start NAGGING the man to be this and do that when those demands were never presented to him before and he’s already become accustomed to doing the bare bone minimum to absolutely nothing at all!

    1. Great job on this article! I call this “Getting Back To The Basics of Purpose Oriented Relationships”. Courtship may be considered an ‘old fashioned’ term to many, but the love, honor, respect, protection, security and commitment if offers – makes it all worth the while. Anything worth having will also be worth pursuing.

      Regardless of societal changes, some things are innate and should never attempt to be changed. I believe when a woman comes to understands her value and worth, she will refuse to settle for anything less than what she knows she deserve. I further believe when a man understands his role and doesn’t abdicate his responsibilities, he will also handle his business in not only pursuing, but also treating her like the queen she is when he has attained her. Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well. Good Stuff! Real Men still Court and Real Women still Embrace it. 🙂

  7. I think courting is specific to the woman. I’d rather attend a pro
    football game than get flowers and candy. I think as long as a man makes an effort based on the woman and not some idealized dating standard based on what society thinks he should do then he’s good.

  8. Who is still falling for Netflix n chill lol??

  9. Fay Alise says:

    Women without standards is why we are in this predicament.

  10. Maybe this is just my take on the Netflix thing, but I’ve had great “hey, I don’t really feel like getting dolled up, so why not come over and we order something while trying to find a gem on Netflix” that never ended up sexually because what was once an understanding gesture to not spend a lot of money for a date is now a sly move niggas have ruined it for themselves. I’m a college student, so after the impressive first couple of dates, I don’t see why it has to be a negative. Tbh it’s grown ass women doing it from the jump that confuses me.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Yes, Njeri! I hear you! I’ll be the first to say I love a good ol’ Netflix or “let’s stay in” type of night especially now that I’m becoming a little more “seasoned” and of course I’m married. LOL! But like your last statement referred to, it just seems like we should expect more effort on the front end. Then, once we become comfortable with each other we can switch it up a little bit. Thanks for sharing your comments! 🙂

  11. Erica Roane says:

    I require men to court me. It’s a tough and often lonely standard however I always win. The only times I end up disappointed with dates/men is when I make it easy (“Netflix and Chill”). Men love sports for a reason… They love a challenge. What most women want from men is on the other side of discipline to ourselves.

    1. Chimmie Wms says:

      What is acceptable in your courting process?

    2. Erica Roane says:

      Schedules and planned outings and experiences. I’m not consumed w/ being “wined and dined,” I do however appreciate effort

    3. Thais Mink says:

      I get accused of of being bitter when I downplay an inbox of “chilling” Like what? And how I’m grown and I should be able to chill like what?! No I’m grown ask me out on a date. Get to know me. Smh. Sigh

      1. Shonda White says:

        I don’t think you sound bitter at all, Thais. Like you said, you’re grown and whether you want to chill and Netflix or whether you want to go out and do something, I don’t think that’s too much to ask fro someone who says they’re interested in you. Thank you ladies for sharing your comments. 🙂

    4. Thais Mink says:

      Same to you! And you are so right! That has been the disappointment is when made easy! So right!

    5. Erica Roane says:

      Thais Mink you’re doing the right thing. Men (people in general) do what they’re allowed to. Maintain your worth and standards. You know your worth so keep aiming high girlfriend!

    6. Shonda White says:

      I love to hear that, ERica “I require men to court me…I always win!” Yes! Good for you! Thanks for sharing!

  12. But back to the topic, courting isn’t the same because I feel like men think they are entitled to something after being a gentleman that one or two times in a month and a half, so I gotta be yours or show my appreciation with my body. No. Even if I set that standard, if the 4 other girls before me didn’t then that’s a wrap. Being single is a strange game lol

  13. Bianca Louis says:

    I personally like courting but unfortunately the men that approach me are not into it.

  14. Esh says:

    Great article, effort is based on each individual, but some men simply don’t know what effort entails. I remember a guy saying to me “I’m making an effort” I had to tell him he needed to look up the word in the dictionary and use it in a sentence then get back to me. I hope guys take on your challenge.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Amen, Esh! LOL!!! Similar thing happened to me when I was dating my husband. It wasn’t until I expected more and required more and that’s when I receivved more. He was willing step up to the challenge. But before then, I accepted the bare minimum. Thanks for sharing!

  15. Ashely Price says:

    We can’t put the responsibility on men. They only do what we allow them to do. have to let them know up front what our requirements are.

  16. Kagnie Renae says:

    I agree but men need to take responsibility as well. They’re aren’t children. Women shouldn’t have to do everything.

  17. Black Vixenn says:

    When the end goal is marriage, then yes of course, a man should know how to “court” a woman … but, unfortunately, many don’t seem to have a clue because they haven’t been taught by the men in their lives, either by lesson or example. And conversely, a woman should know how to be “courted” and likewise in the case of many men, far to many women haven’t had the benefit of observing a good, happy marriage.

    For many men and women, courtship is a foreign concept, but a necessary first step. Perhaps this will change …

    1. Shonda White says:

      Great points, Black Vixenn, and yes, hopefully this can change and those of us who have and continue to experience it or do it for others can share their stories and inspire others to do the same. I, too, didn’t have the benefit of observing a solid marriage within my household specifically, which is why hopefully we can all help each other. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

  18. These guys get friend zoned

    1. Chase says:

      word is bond lame

      1. Chase says:

        supposed to be word is bond LMAO

  19. Chase says:

    The difference is all women are saying this online but in real life the dudes who do try and court and be gentlemen are friend zoned lol. These same dudes are seen as too nice vice versa to while mr i net fix and chill is never single or lonely .

    1. Shonda White says:

      Chase, you are right – I’ve seen situations like that as well, which is why neither party (male or female) is ever solely to blame for all of the issues of course, but it’s definitely worth discussing because there are women who do still value and appreciate the “good men” out there. Glad to hear some of the men chime in and share their thoughts. Thanks for your comments. 🙂

  20. Teach! There is such a disconnect between the definition of courtship and “netflix and chill” there is a certain connection and understanding that comes in the midst of courtship.

  21. Kyla Ky says:

    I expect to be courted and won’t settle for less. I’ve been asked out on dates and have gone on a couple but I’ve never been on a “real” date. I’ve never had a guy “wow” me or make a real effort. Guys want to make things official and date me without even courting first. Why would I go out with you if we haven’t even taken the time to get to know each other?

  22. Bonita says:

    Well women want an attractive guy who is down with courting properly. Why can’t we have looks & good character together ? Lol

  23. FM says:

    I can’t remember how many times I’ve been called thirsty for actually being a gentleman or the number of times I actually got friend zoned for showing genuine interest and going the right way about it. So let’s all not pretend as if these type of men don’t exist. Yawn!!…

  24. Shan Elle says:

    A lot of the younger guys like them think they’re too good for women. Or to do anything for a woman that doesn’t equally benefit them. It’s totally narcissistic. They don’t see women as being “special” enough to be romantic because romance doesn’t make THEM feel good, they just want the sex.

    1. Good point Shan. And this is why courtship is reserved for the mature who understands what it means to be unselfishly devoted.

  25. NEver been on a date…Chile.

  26. A lot of young boys don’t know how to court women and a lot of young girls don’t require that. Netflix and chill is what y’all promote smh

  27. It’s not a rarity. A lot of guys refuse to believe that I’ve never been on a date. At 21, I’m sad to even say it lol.

  28. Girls are too easy now a days I don’t mean sexually, they just think a text and some food or Netflix is enough smh require more you might get more imo

  29. Nat Smith says:

    Some ladies tend not to have many standards these days so if they dont have standards there’s no work for men to do. The resolution lies in how females deal with men.

  30. Im 23 and never been on a date…Its sad yes but nowadays ppl my age dont date.

    1. Lovely Lady says:

      well im also 23 and I have been on plenty and so have my friends. Infact one of the biggest players at my college approached me and asked to take me on a date. I was shocked cuz I thought “guys like him dont date!” But its all about how you present yourself…he knew he couldnt step to me any other way. Its all about personal standards..women say they dont go on dates but I guarantee they arent virgins and/or have chilled with a guy at his place before. Realize that you are bomb and have all the power because you hold the cookie. Be upfront about not going over his house until you have been on *what ever number you feel comfortable with* dates.

  31. This brother likes the low hanging fruit. It’s thrown at him. He hasn’t had to earn any type of anything from a woman

  32. matshepo mawela says:

    This topic should definitely be open 4 discussion.I say woman have let go of themselves too much. Yes make a mistake but learn from it. Man now a days move on very quickly becos there is always the next woman whose willing to settle for less than she deserve.

  33. Kat says:

    Great article! Yes, often times these men get the friend zone treatment , not necessarily because they are too nice but because the woman may not be completely attracted to them.I have yet to meet a woman, who is open to dating and having a relationship, put a man who she is attracted to in “friend zone”, especially if he is courting her..unless she is guarded and fearful of taking next steps because of past disappointments .

  34. LaBrownBaE says:

    I think times have definitely changed buy let’s consider this economic times. Its inconsiderate & selfish to expect complete financial responsibility on the man. I believe the courting process sets the tone in a relationship. After my boyfriend called me & we had great convo I asked him on a date. I bought the movie tickets & he was shocked. He was use to being the sole giver & payer when dating. He explained hr stopped dating for a while not only because of the emotionally draining process but also the financial waste. Ladies need to step up too. We need to also take initiative in the courting process. Michelle Obama did not sit on her hands when dating our President.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Yes, absolutely! Thank you so much for sharing your comments. Trust me, my husband wasn’t paying for all of the dates – and still doesn’t – when we were dating but it’s more about getting back to the basics. You can court and woo a girl on a budget too without it being “netflix and chill” but both sides definitely play a role. 🙂

  35. B Eazy says:

    This article is so well written I love every point and the fact that you’re not just saying “men this” and “men that”. But you’re shedding a light on courting from both perspectives. Because it’s an equal responsibility to make it work. I’ve dated before and courted, and courting is more me and much more fulfilling in my personal opinion. Because in that time you can learn everything that you want to know about that person to see if they’re really worth it. Many times we miss obvious things because we move too fast or don’t do the basic essential things that you do when you court. So I really love it and keep it up and stay encouraged ma’am.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Thank you, thank you, thank you because that’s exactly what I wanted to communicate and not “men this, men that” because we all play a role. So glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

  36. jon says:

    while i think many men will hopefully see this article for what it is i hope that the ladies also realize that they also have standards to uphold as well. something that many people today cant seem to do is “PUT THE PHONE AWAY” no calls or texts for either of them, a date is meant to spend together till the end of the date, if you cant put it away don’t go. now while i’m not saying anyone should throw sex at someone that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also show some appreciation for a guy trying to be nice, if he asks for a suggestion offer up some limits as he may not know you don’t like something and includes it because he hopes to share something with you that he likes. and remember a date can be as simple as a picnic in the park and still be elaborate and not require a month’s pay to show interest, netflix should be cuddle time or something to do with friends!

  37. Lovely says:

    @chase friendzone was made up by a guy who wanted a female that did not want him. People have preferences and you might not fit he citeria. You look at friendzone not understanding it isnt all that bad.

  38. April says:

    The last guy I dated courted me for a month then we went straight to Netflix and Chill for over a year. (It was actually less than Netflix and Chill as us hanging out would only last less than two hours. The more I write this I realize that I was a booty call.) I was infuriated and he and I would go weeks w/o contact. This last time was the final straw. After weeks of no contact we started texting again (bc he never calls) and he called himself asking me out by telling me that he would buy ribs and we would hang out at my place. I brought up the idea of hanging out away from my place and he said no. And that he made an effort. And thankfully, that’s the last I heard of him.

  39. Great job on this article! I call this “Getting Back To The Basics of Purpose Oriented Relationships”. Courtship may be considered an ‘old fashioned’ term to many, but the love, honor, respect, protection, security and commitment if offers – makes it all worth the while. Anything worth having will also be worth pursuing.

    Regardless of societal changes, some things are innate and should never attempt to be changed. I believe when a woman comes to understands her value and worth, she will refuse to settle for anything less than what she knows she deserve. I further believe when a man understands his role and doesn’t abdicate his responsibilities, he will also handle his business in not only pursuing, but also treating her like the queen she is when he has attained her. Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well. Good Stuff! Real Men still Court and Real Women still Embrace it.

    1. Shonda White says:

      Thanks so much for your comments and glad to hear other gentleman who feel the same.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

xoNecole

© 2017 - xonecole.com