3 Guys Share What It Means To Be Emotionally Unavailable – xoNecole

3 Guys Share What It Means To Be Emotionally Unavailable

Comments (37)
  1. I find most don’t really need to verbalize they aren’t, if you’re truthful with yourself they show you in many ways.

  2. Mimilovee says:

    These men all have issues. Except the first one. Seems more honest with himself.

    To the last one, the reason why your ex is your ex is bc you decided to be emotionally available too late.

  3. When people show/tell you who they are believe them. If he acts like or says he’s not ready for a relationship, but you are, don’t wait around for him to change his mind. She mentioned the men who are exceptions to the rule, but the only reason why we remember those cases is because it doesn’t happen that often. Cut him loose, he can come back when he’s ready and if you’re still available and want to be bothered.

    1. I absolutely agree with you, I had a situation similar to this he pulled me in emotionally, took me out spent a considerable amount of time with me, never treated me like we wasn’t connecting we could just simply watch a movie and have a good time but he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship, I said ok well why did you pull me in emotionally if you’re not ready for that we spend alot of time with each other, smdh I don’t like that so I said I’m out but when I did that he got so mad,so I learned my lesson I’m not waiting around for someone to emotionally come around anymore either we both there or we not.

    2. And that’s pretty much all there is to it. I’m glad you had the strength to walk away and see the situation for what it really was, that can be hard to do when he’s treating you right in so many other ways and you’re spending time together.

    3. Tiff Marie says:


  4. Tasha Revels says:

    I hope to God not to meet any men like these dudes lol

  5. roseinweeds says:

    moral of the story, yall…all men r different. dont assume.

  6. I’ve learned to run .. They’re waste men unless you’re only there to get nookie on the go!

  7. Ann Novastar says:

    These dudes were honest but full of excuses. None of them sound mature.

    1. That’s the point tho ladies, they aren’t ready. We can never force that on them just gotta move on to find one that is.

    2. Ann Novastar says:

      I get the point and already implement a no tolerance policy. They still exhibit an immaturity and selfishness that show they should not date at all.

  8. Here goes an article interviewing brutally honest men who made me reinforce why I hate dating in 2016 and why I’ll be single for a very very very long time. Smh I respect their honesty but honestly how can one even be mentally stable if theyre placed in these horrific relationship experiences ? They themselves said they couldn’t even handle it if women did the same thing…so why do it? Ugh

  9. Alicia Brown says:

    This was pretty damn depressing lol. And proof most men don’t want to commit fully. A lot of guys feel like they have to have X job X amount of money in the bank X level of success which I can understand but life doesn’t always work out that way. So you pass over what could be a good mate, and if or when you reach that level of “readiness” you gotta take what you can get.

    1. I used to call this the black man syndrome. My friends from of races never had these same issues. I think women might be partially to blame. We’ve been telling them for years they have to be able to do certain things for us to date us. When they can’t produce it, they just retreat. It’s sad. I understand the reasoning way more now but I’m 40 and it took until my late 30’s to get it.

  10. Jay Sims says:

    This article is the main reason why i gave up on dating and men period. I will be looking into sperm donors next year for my child though….

  11. 9/10 those kind of men are only good for hookups. To save yourself headaches and heartache, I suggest you keep it pushing if you want something more meaningful sis. Because a man can sleep with you every day and still not want anything to do with you past that lol!

  12. Seana Marie says:

    If they are emotionally unavailable WALK AWAY!!! It will only cause heartache

  13. Nae says:

    Interesting read. I feel as though one of my close friends is currently dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. A lot of the things he does and says are similar to the first guy, Richard, only I don’t think he’s as self-aware. Personally, I don’t understand why she stays but the heart wants what it wants. I don’t think you can make a man be ready before his time and staying may end up hurting more as you may just be prepping this man to be awesome for another woman. In any case, open, honest communication is a necessity in any relationship and you shouldn’t ever ignore the signs.

  14. Girl this is good! Ima watch again with a paper and pencil 😂

  15. Brittany says:

    I dated a guy like Richard for a short time and I RAN like Forrest Gump.
    SMH, gotta grow up sometimes.

  16. This article is so on point. I just got my emotionally unavailable ex to open up. Three years later. Lol. They don’t talk. This article says pretty much everything he’s told me plus some things I already knew. It applies to all age groups too. FYI. Not just millennials.

  17. Reason why I just don’t wanna be bothered. I’ll be 40 In 2.weeks and I’m at a point to where I refuse to let myself go through some unnecessary bs ..I mean hell you could cook clean..suck his soul out have it together emotionally financially have awesome conversation…an above average IQ and P Pop on a handstand and they still will be emotionally unavailable….so I just live my life period…..

    1. I’m almost at 40 too. God knows the desires of our hearts. Happy Birthday and don’t give up!!!

  18. Mila says:

    This was very interesting read. I’ve been involved with a guy that was emotionally unavailable. I felt that the longer I stayed around, he would see that I was the one for him. As time progressed my emotions got deeper and deeper. To the point to where we had to break it off. We were on two totally different levels…. if a man aint ready, he’s not going to be ready until he is. You can’t force them.

  19. Robby Elisa says:

    Sounds and looks like another half-assed attempt for women to lower their expectations and boundaries to meet men who, quite frankly, would be a drain and a hindrance to a woman of substance, on their menial level. If you are emotionally unavailable, please go see a therapist…don’t try to date me. I’m not your “work out your issues” toy. I’ve worked damn hard to deal with issues, traumas and hurts from the past so that I don’t project that onto the next man (and I’m not done…still working), so you need to put the work in too playboy. Point blank, period…emotionally unavailable = unsuitable dating partner. Am I waiting? Hell to the no…but here’s the number to a good counselor…#boybye #getyolife

  20. My beautiful, women of color don’t you dare give up! Thank God for his protection from men who do not have your best interest at heart. Thank our Father for the wonderfully, created, spouse being prepared for you as we speak. Your future husband is hurting/longing for you too. We must not give up in the black family unit! Love all of you…

  21. Blase Blogger says:

    Overall, when it comes to dating and relationships you are going to have to go through something with somebody. No person is going to be perfect.But So many people get caught up in their selfish needs or “feelings” and neglect to look at the big picture. Women don’t give men a chance to do better bc out of fear we over communicate or compensate for men’s short comings. That’s why we feel drained & used. Sisters back up! Love them and let them take their own steps to being available. In the meantime do you! Brothers Step up! Take steps to find love again and stop looking to the hommies for romance advice especially if their situation is worse or same as yours. Bottom line, choose love. Ladies if you love him, Dont leave him. Love him through the tough transition as much as possible, bc if you Dont another woman will. Men love yourself enough to know you deserve love and take control of your future & stop acting like a victim, bc you’ll end up with only stories & no glory.

    Love never fails
    1 Corinthians 13:8

  22. ForeverShady says:

    My issue with guys like this is that they are hardly ever honest with themselves or the people they get involved with. If you’re emotionally unavailable, then that’s okay. Take the time to figure it out. Hang out with people who may be going through the same phase in their lives. If you go on a date, let them know up front that you aren’t looking for something serious. We are a more open-minded and honest society than we have ever been before; in other words, you can find someone who’ll want to spend time with you or sleep with you while you figure out what it is you truly want and need in your life if you just practice honesty from the jump. Why waste the time of people who make it clear that they are looking for a relationship? That is selfish, completely unfair, and a characteristic of a true coward.

  23. LoudestWhisper19 says:

    Lol I tried to read this article, but I personally know I don’t have time or patience to deal with any emotionally unavailable man. Lol I just can’t!

  24. Denise W says:

    I go in strong not being emotionally available because I can’t go through that grief anymore. Then they get angry! Well, I don’t want to be with a woman who is dating several men I was told! The nerve! But female faces popping up on your phone the entire date. SMH. Next

  25. LMTU says:

    And men think we are crazy….geesh

  26. DeeDee says:

    Emotionally unavailable men are the worst! 😒

  27. Juju says:

    This was a great read!!! The candor & honesty of the “men” was greatly appreciated, however I must agree with the consensus, all three men sound like little boys rather than men, and I wonder how many of them are actually upfront with their intentions from the beginning….(answer: NONE!!!!) Unfortunately I too have had the misfortune of coming across an emotionally unavailable (& draining individual) who was 42!!! He was the man with 1,000 excuses and absolutely no follow through!!! I was shocked that at age 42 one could still be “emotionally unavailable”. That term is an excuse to play hella games and not have to commit (aka black man syndrome). To ALL the women who encounter boys like the ones who contributed to this post, run for the hills!!! Don’t stick around hoping that he will realize what he has in front of him, it’s not worth it!

  28. IceQueen says:

    If you as a woman decide to stay in a situation with an EU man, then you must be EU too. I didn’t realise this before but it made sense to me after finding the Baggage Reclaim blog…

  29. csgirl says:

    I can also describe these men as emotionally lazy, especially the 2nd one. He just does not care and it’s really sad.

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